Conversation With Emily #7812

This afternoon when I got home from work, Emily alerted me to the fact that we were out of toilet paper. I have been married long enough to know that this was not a conversation starter or a statement of fact, but an indirect request for me to go to the store and buy some toilet paper.

So I grabbed the keys, let the dog know he was going for a ride with me to the store and was halfway down the stairs to leave when Emily stopped me.

Emily Wait. You know you need to buy a certain kind right?

Me Oh yeah I forgot. You're protesting the bears right (Editors note: I actually had forgotten Emily has specific toilet paper requests. Good thing she reminded me, or I would have ended up buying a Hannah Montana spiral notebook because it was on sale: two notebooks for 99 cents. I'd figure we could use the notebook paper as toilet paper).

Emily It has to be Cottenelle, the one with the puppy on it. No bears shitting in woods or bitches who cross stitch.

I have no idea what "the bitches who cross stitch" reference is all about, but I knew I had better come back with some toilet paper with a puppy on the wrapper. So I came back with mixed news: somewhere during the course of the evening I had to let Emily know I was able to buy Cottenelle, but only in a four pack.

Emily But they had jumbo packs of the other brands?

Me Yup.

Emily Well they must have been sold out of the big packs of Cottenelle because it's so popular.

I should add that she made this statement as if it is one of God's truths.

And what I love is how this was perfectly logical to Emily. It is assumed everyone who shops at the Walgreen's on 46th and Hiawatha in the Longfellow neighborhbood of Minneapolis adheres to the "Don't Buy Toilet Paper With Wrappers Depicting Bears or Bitches Who Cross Stitch" rule. As if it's a widely taught bathroom rule, right up there with "If it's yellow let it mellow" and "Knock before entering a Port-A-Potty."

Gone Fishin Part I

Between the July 4th weekend and last night, Emily and I have made three trips. First, over the July 4th weekend, we went to Emily's family cabin near Hancock, Wisconsin.

Never heard of Hancock? I hope not. There's nothing to do there but farm. Or hang out at a cabin on some land near Hancock that your wife's family farmed over 100 years ago. I chose the latter.

We went with our friends Zander and Julie. We were also graced by the company of Emily's sister and husband and their two sons.

There was a perfect storm of photography mayhem the night of the 4th. My brother-in-law just happens to be Minnesota's best photographer and the light was perfect for taking pictures, at least according to the Mr. Minnesota of Photography.

So while we played with whiffle balls, Ben played with his camera.



Well, we humans played whiffle ball. Pancho chased a tennis ball.



Julie has also uploaded some more of Ben's photos on her blog. Click here to see them. Ben is such a good photographer that it is worth your time, even if you have no idea who Zander and Julie are.

Top Five Things I Learned During Trip #1
5. It is legal to shoot off pretty much any kind of firework in Wisconsin.
4. Pancho is terrified of most of these fireworks. Especially ones that look and sound like professional fireworks. And are fired off non-stop for 45 minutes. Less than 500 feet from our beachfront.
3. The one place Pancho feels safest when he's away from home is the backseat of my car. Actually I already knew this. But what I didn't know is he sheds like crazy when terrified.



2. Zander and Julie love s'mores as much as Ben loves building a bonfire as tall as he is. In fact Zander and Julie love s'mores so much, they will make them even while the fire is taller then Ben. Ben is taller than I am, meaning that was one tall, hot fire Zander and Julie broiled their s'mores in.
1. Leinenkugel's makes a summer shandy, which I liked a lot more than the self-proclaimed experts (snobs?) at Beer Advocate. Of course those guys have some sort of a grading rubric with its own language.

Here's my rubric for scoring a beer:
Does it go down singing hymns?
If the answer is YES, drink more.
If the answer is NO. Finish the beer anyway and do not order or buy it again.

I found Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy went down signing hymns. Some people less secure in their masculinity may slap the "girlie" label on this beer, but I don't care. I am comfortable enough to hold a bottle of it next to me. It's not like it's a Zima or something.

Coming Soon: Our trip to California.